The Art of Defensive Dating

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Good News For Youth (GNFY) published under the oversight of the Alkire Rd Church of Christ elders and posted by permission of the editor.

 

We hear much said these days about the art of defensive driving. It is essential for one to learn to drive defensively if he is to insure, at least to some degree, his own personal safety as well as the safety of others. In driving defensively, we learn to anticipate the actions of the other driver and react before he does.

 

The same principle of defensiveness can be applied to the dating relationship. Defensive dating is the effort of sincere young men and women to please God in their dating experiences, while insuring their own happiness for now and in years to come (Matthew 5:8; I Timothy 4:12; II Timothy 2:22).

 

Dating is good and a wonderful blessing in a young person’s life as they prepare for marriage. In his book, A Father Talks To Teenagers, P. D. Wilmeth wrote, "Dating is one of the most exciting experiences in your life. It’s lots of fun. Ask those who date, if you have any doubts. Suddenly new horizons are before you, your personality blossoms out, your sense of being a person worthy of affections becomes real.

 

This is a time when friendships flower and ripen. It is a time of great exhilaration, splendor, and discovery. To live it fully is to enjoy one of life’s most delightful experiences.

 

Dating serves many purposes. It is an important part of growing up and is a part of the fun of adolescent years. Dating helps the adjustment to a man-woman world and is actually a preparation for marriage. Dating leads to marriage and marriage is ‘for keeps’" (pp. 119-120).

Allow me to consider some important safeguards in the art of defensive dating.

 

Young People Who Are Christians Should Date and Marry Christians.

 

This is the first rule of dating, but one that too few of us take very seriously. The seriousness of it was impressed upon my mind a few years ago in an article entitled, "Of Interest To Parents and Youth". It revealed some information compiled by brother Bobby Key who preached in Miami, Oklahoma for 20 years.

 

Brother Key compiled statistics about young people from that congregation over the 20-year period. Here are the statistics:

 

Christians Married To
Non-Christians

57 Left the Church
22 Faithful As Christians
14 Converted Their Mates
25 Divorced

Christians Married To
Christians

5 Left the Church
59 Faithful As Christians
2 Divorced

 

The author of the article, Billy Moore, made this observation:

 

"Here is some information for our young people and their parents to ponder. We do not believe the contrast reveals a purely accidental variance. The figures speak loudly. It is hard enough to live the Christian life when both parties in marriage are trying to serve the Lord. Problems are multiplied over and over again when one, along with little or no encouragement (and often with calculated hindrance added) has to make the effort. Young people... LISTEN!

Avoid Being In Places and Situations Where There Will Be the Opportunity To Yield To Temptation

 

For example, a young couple should never be in either of their homes alone with each other. This is not to say some cannot be trusted in such a situation, but it is a fact that more often than not this is an open door to trouble.

 

The parked car also presents dangers. Young people will find their feelings hard to control without it being provoked by such surroundings.

 

Good sense and self-control will protect you from a lifetime of sorrows (Romans 6:12,13; II Timothy 1:7).

 

It Is Good For Young People To Double Date

 

Double dating has advantages because it is easier for four people to carry on an interesting conversation than it is for just two. It helps alleviate the problem of a young couple not knowing what to say to each other. It is also an excellent way to build lasting friendships with other couples.

 

Have Something

Planned and Definite

To Do On A Date

 

Be considerate of your parents by letting them know where you are going and what you will be doing. Please respect the desires of your parents to have you back home by a certain time. Be sure to plan activities that you do not have to wonder about as a Christian (I Thessalonians 5:22).

 

 

 

Defensive dating is very important because young people are important

 

We want our young folks to have fun on a date, but more important than that we want to see them conduct themselves as those who must stand before God "holy and without blame"

(Ephesians 1:4; 5:27).

 

Date defensively and guard yourself and others against unnecessary pain

 

-– Dennis Gulledge, July 2000 –-

 


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